I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
