i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
