I am puke
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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