How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
