I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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