This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
