i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
