u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
