White coat. Heels.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
