Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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