all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
