I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
