There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
