I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
