glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
