apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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