He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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