I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
