I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
