When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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