I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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