I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My pussy is not your playground.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
