Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
