I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
