It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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