After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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