I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
