I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
