I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
