We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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