Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
