So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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