ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
