I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize