Christians are straight up FREAKS
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my shit smells like andre
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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