It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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