Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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