stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
