Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
