It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
