Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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