Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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