I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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