God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All the doctor said was why
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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