my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
