hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
