Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
