the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
