Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
