Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
