Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
