Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
please don't ironically join a cult
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