the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
