shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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