I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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