Can Purell be used as lube?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
