dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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