apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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