she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sext me about skeletons
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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