dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
