i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
