Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
