You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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