i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
