So drunk its hurt
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
