I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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