I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
