Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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