yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
