Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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