That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
