But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
