I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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