Pappa wants mamma naked
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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