yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
