Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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